"Toronto is not New York"

Condo developers here pretend they are in New York by stealing New York names, but a lot of Torontonians don't. With their trademark modesty and self-deprecating sense of humor, Canadians are quick to point out things like "Toronto is not New York."

No shit.

Yet over and over, they keep giving me this line, as if they are saving me from years of work, telling me a secret that would have taken me decades to discover or revealing a mystery only they have solved.

In the ladies' room recently, a girl told me: "You came from New York?! Girl, what are you doing here? Toronto's not New York."

When I went to the pharmacy and explained what prescription I had in New York, the pharmacist said: "Why did you come here? I mean, Toronto is the New York of Canada, but it's no New York."

Once again, thanks for the tip.

For a minute there I got confused, with the CN Tower resembling the Empire State so much. Why, I thought the Empire State just lost some weight. And that white thing is the Sky Dome? Gosh darn it, I thought that was the newest club in the Meatpacking district! And when I noticed it was a little chillier up here, I simply thought I fell asleep on the 6 train and went too far north.

Or maybe it was that new condo with the Soho sign that tricked me into thinking I was on Spring Street. Fooled me! Thank god the friendly Canucks are here to clarify my confusion.