Do not cross. Seriously.

The Canadian species take their traffic signals seriously.

Pedestrians don't cross on red light even if there are no cars coming from either direction, which I find happens quite often.

If I see no moving vehicles and no immediate threat of getting hit by a street car, a pedestrian traffic signal has absolutely no effect on me. It may as well just be a flower pot, because it will not deter me from getting to my destination at that moment. If anything, crossing on red light makes me feel extra productive. As the light starts to turn green and I am already on the other side, I can't help but marvel at how much time my jay-walking just saved me.

Canadians, however, just stand there. Even if there are no cars in sight, if the pedestrian light says not to go, they will not go. They look determined to stand there for hours if that's what it takes to remain a law-abiding Canadian citizen.

I find this strange because even if I'm not in a hurry, I always have better things to do than wait to cross a street when there is nothing in the way of me crossing the street. I wonder why Canadians don't feel the same way. Don't they want to get to Timmies sooner rather than later? Don't they have to go home and sew a Canadian flag on their backpack or something?

Since I am sometimes accompanied by the Canadian species, they end up costing me precious time I save while jay walking. I cross the street and then have to wait while their Canuck ass proudly stands on the other side and obeys traffic signals. I can see them very clearly from my side, as there are no moving vehicles between us during this time.

Canadians enjoy bicycling

Canadians like to bike. I don't know if it's because they are all eco-friendly, granola-crunching tree huggers or what it is, but I've never met so many adults who own bikes.

This is "Bike Month" in Toronto. It evolved from Bike Day and Bike Week because those greedy bike-loving Canucks just couldn't get enough. The way it's going, next year will be Bike Year and the government will roll out some program mandating everyone from 18-85 bike year-round.

I'm pretty sure people here don't wait for the Bike Month slogan to show up in June before hopping on their beloved two-wheelers. People here bike to work, to barbecues, to go out, or to meet up with other bikers in order to do more biking. Perhaps it's a way to cope with lack of hockey during the scorching Canadian summers?

Many Canadian species carry bike maps with them and discuss different bike routes. They all know how much the new bikes cost at Canadian Tire. Advice about getting a deal by checking when cops sell their used bikes is dispensed as often as bathroom soap.

Once again, I don't fit in and will have to do something about this. Too bad I don't have my red BMX any more.

Toronto has something better than New York!

I am happy to report that I have found something that is better in Toronto than in New York. It starts with H and no, it's not hockey.

It's hot dogs.

Hot dogs, aka street meat, are very good here. Yes, at $2.50 they are more expensive than the New York hot dogs, but Canadian hot dogs are so much better. A hot dog here is like a legitimate meal, and that's largely because of the toppings selection.

The street meat carts offer a lot more than ketchup and mustard. The Canadian carts put their American counterparts to shame because they all have little containers with relish, onions, olives, hot peppers, pickles and other pickled items I can't identify.

This is great for someone like me, who goes through 100 dilemmas on a daily basis. Here, I don't need to do any decision-making. I just put everything on. By the time I'm done, I can't even see the hot dog any more.

While Toronto street meat is typically enjoyed at early morning hours following a few alcoholic beverages, I am pleased to report that it tastes just as good during sunlight hours when one is fully sober.

It may not be as fun of an experience to order one, and you may not make as many friends waiting in line for your hot dog, but the street meat is just as good. Enjoying street meat in full sobriety also allows you to appreciate the uniqueness of the street meat carts, which carry original names such as "Mike's hot dogs" and include decorations such as greasy Canadian flags attached to old hockey sticks.

Neighbo(u)rhood watch

What is it about parents and real estate? Why is it that all parents are obsessed with other people's homes?

Because mine should have a real estate agent's license and start selling some homes. They can quote prices, sales and how long various establishments in their entire postal (zip) code have been on the market. They are like walking classified sections and their brains are a multiple listing service. They can't remember where they put their glasses, but they'll tell you the color of the kitchen countertop in a house that sold three years ago.

I know they are not alone - I know other parents who also own a home and are not looking to buy, but the real estate section is still the first (and sometimes only) part of the newspaper they read.

My parents train by going to home shows, watching home renovation shows and some series about people buying a new home. They get all into it, throwing comments like "Oh god, that house is hideous, why are they looking at it? Don't go there!!!"

They get very personal in real life, too. A big, ugly house being built across from them has been dubbed "the monster." I can't see them getting along with whoever moves in there. There is just too much hatred about the monster.

I wouldn't be surprised if my parents sneak into open houses to brush up on their real estate skills. And when they take a walk around the neighborhood, they turn into city inspectors. If they could issue fines for the occasional lawn that's not perfectly manicured, I'm sure they would. They are like a walking neighborhood watch, or real estate cops. They believe the act of growing weeds on the front lawn should be a punishable offense.