Canadians in the Olympics

Canadians have been very consistent at the Olympics. Consistently shitty.

Event after event, they have consistently managed to avoid any medals. But no worries. The ever-optimistic Canadian media manage to report the Olympics with that "It's an honor just to be nominated" touch.

Eighth-place finishes are praised as if they were first place. Thirty-fifth place spots are honored as if a double-digit standing leads to a medal around your neck.

But that's not to say Canadians haven't set any records. For example, when the Canadian men's water polo team lost 12:0 to Montenegro, they achieved a shutout - something that has not been seen in Olympics water polo since 1976. Way to go, boys!

I wish for once the Canadian media would come out and say the truth, like "Canadians did not have even the slightest chance" or "Canadians managed to suck again." Instead, their headlines make it look like they are always so close:

"The Canadian women's wresting team had the potential for a medal"
"Canada puts up fight but loses to Cuba in baseball -The Canadian men's baseball team showed it could hang with the big boys on Thursday"

And finally...
"Canada's best Olympic events still to come"


Like when? The winter Olympics?

Caribana

Last weekend was Caribana weekend. This is the festival that brings more than 1 million people to Toronto each year and pumps over $300 million into the city's economy.

The festival also brings to Toronto three things usually tough to find here - black people, crowds and garbage.

Some Torontonians look foward to Caribana about as much as some New Yorkers look forward to the Puerto Rico parade - they get the hell out of town. They express fears over getting raped, shot or killed and cease all outdoor activities for the weekend.

I attended two Caribana events, including the parade that stretches near Toronto's harbo(u)rfront. It is probably the only time in Toronto that someone looking for an African American friend can't point him out by saying "He's the black guy."

Toronto's empty streets were packed. The clean highways were covered in litter. Every square inch of space was turned into a jerk chicken stand. There was a lot of fake boobs, fake hair and fake nails. Everyone and their mother tried to sell something - flags, keychains, Obama badges, "I survived Caribana" T-shirts, not to mention food - coconuts, bamboo, beef patties, wings... Many of the white people attending the festivities were white trash, such as a very pale girl who tried to turn black but instead got a painful sunburn.

Torontonians can complain all they want. But Caribana brought some much-needed spice. And that $3 bbq chicken was damn good. Dat shit peeled right off the bone, yo. Word.